To cheat or not to cheat. Well, that depends on your definition. For some people, unlike the general monogamy-adoring public, cheating can have many definitions. Depending on the rules of any given relationship, even below the waist in and out motions (with full-on squishy noises) can be seen as less than adultery. No, I do not go with this extreme; stop judging. And neither does Six, if you can believe that. And you better. Of course, what he considers faithful is far different from what you may (okay, fine, definitely) consider faithful. Hey, I said no judging.
Six likes sex. Then again who doesn’t? Let’s be honest here. Sex is good. With the possibility of being great. And the sweet dreams of that earth-shaking fuckfest- Wait, I had a point here… Oh, yea, Six likes sex. In fact, it would be safe to say, he needs it. The way Elf Lord needs beer, Goose needs good vibrations and you need your weekly dose of me.
So Six likes sex. And Nine is still not showing him the attention he craves and needs. Not that Nine can be chastised for ignoring Six’s sexual desires; Nine would, if circumstances allowed, have a dusk till dawn plowing. Trust me. The situation is rather complicated. Just keep in mind that under normal relationship standards and practices, Six’s hands, mouth and penis would not be following his wandering eyes. Of course, no matter what happens and where and with who, Six will tell you that as long as the penis stays out of the lower body entrances, he’s not cheating. He and Slick Willy have that in common; he has had no sexual relations with anyone besides Nine since he and Nine made it all official-like. Just try and beat that logic; it’s got the presidential seal.
More in line with the typical views on adultery are Duck and Goose. They have a different idea about what is and is not cheating. Their idea of infidelity is a French-inspired tonsil cleaning. Far less harsh than the cock-in-lower-hole that is the only major wrong thing one can do to Six, relationship-wise. But, in their eyes, just as wrong, bad and evil. And most people would agree. In general, anything (and everything) even remotely (meant to be) sexual in nature is cheating. While SailorMoon and Elf Lord believe it depends on the couple in question (though they seem to hold to the it’s all bad juju theory), I prefer to leave the defining up to said couple. Minus the bad juju. Remember the whole don’t judge thing? Yup. I’m reminding you. Again. Stop judging. I believe in rules, individualized for each couple (or trio or whatever have you). Rules are a good thing to have. They simplify the sexual part of life. And with rules, it is a very clear when someone has fucked up. No if, and or but. Rules are agreed to by both parties. So much easier than wondering, assuming or guessing.
So now, back to Six…
After Six’s romp with Anarchy, his libido was quieted. For a bit. Close to one night, actually. But he behaved himself. Shocking. It did not make him happy, but he kept his privates private. Then he met Bones, a scrawny little motherfucker. Six saw another opportunity to quench his hungers. Of course, there was just one not-so-tiny problem. Bones was whiny. Like, Oh my God, I hate my life and everything in it. Boo hoo. Woe is me whiny. Any urge Six had to let Bones ride his ride was strangled under the saddest display of pathetic he had witnessed in years. So Six did everything he could to make Bones desire him less than a bout with syphilis. When it worked and Bones bid him adieu, Six almost jumped for joy. After all, who finds loser attractive?
Six was back to horny with no release. And less than thrilled. And that could not stand. So he did what any red-blooded American whore does: he called a pseudo-ex. You know what pseudo-exes are; those people we fucked at some point along the past for any brief period of time (also called a booty call or fuck buddy) and can, on occasion, request their services for a quick (if six and a half hours can be called quick) fix.
I know you all want the nasty details about lips, tongues, fingers and cocks. And this time, I am willing to oblige. No, not really. All you get is the quick summary.
Six met Booty at his house around midnight. After a few shots of cheap booze, they fell onto Booty’s bed in a tangle of flesh and half-off clothes. Booty tore the jeans off of Six and immediately swallowed Six’s excited part. And when it was Booty’s turn, Six was more than happy to return the favor. Multiple times. There was quite a mess afterwards. What do you expect after three and a half hours of suck-me, suck-you?
But, in keeping with his own rules, Six did not have sex with Booty. That would have been cheating and cheating is wrong. Careful, now; you’re judging again. And we don’t judge here. Unless you’re me. Writer’s privilege.
So, while most of the people in Six’s life (probably including Nine, I’d wager) see what he did as cheating, he does not (and for the record, nor do I – I’m very Clintonian in my thoughts on sexual relations with that intern). And who is anyone to disagree? Besides Nine, of course, who could have a very good reason to be angry if he found out.
One last thing. Not that I’m complaining but how can someone detest the idea of adulterous behavior but be willing to condone or cover up the naughty indiscretions? Because no matter how any of Six’s friends feel about cheating (and what qualifies as cheating) none (mostly, at least) chide him. A few even support. And all seem willing to say nothing. It seems that though cheating is bad, no one needs be punished unless you are the one cheated on; then it’s a different porno. Funny how relatively good people react to not-so-godlike behavior. I repeat, not complaining. I rather love the fact that that’s what friends are for. And so does Six. And you would too if you were an unrepentant whore. I think I just found my next column.
Hey, stop judging.