It can be confusing being a boy. With society’s long-lasting love affair with the Alpha Male and his steely gaze, uberheterosexualism and women-bedding prowess (even when she doesn’t really want it but gives in after a constant barrage of all-powerful testosterone) it can sometimes seem as if only the big and strong types with zero emotional qualities (aside from lust and anger) and a libido to make 007 look like a virgin are a man.

Is that what defines that word? Straight, cis, six-packed, always horny and willing to fix that by shoving I everywhere (consent not required)? Um. No. That fact that there are people who still sprout this Rape Culture crap is, quite frankly, revolting. And dangerous. Real Man Syndrome is a harmful created invented by people (men, I’d guess) who saw non-straight, trans men as less-than-worthy (out of fear of being them) due to some weird connection that made the feminine (cause women are so not people) aspects… bad.

Duh.

Dude. Honestly. Man is a matter of age. And, with that in mind, let’s look at what a man can be and say and do.

GAY OR BI

Boys can like girls. Boys can like boys. Boys can like boys AND girls. Boys can like (GASP!) neither. It’s cool. It’s you. And, when boys reach man age, being gay or bi (or one of many other options that confuse me still) doesn’t change your “old enough to vote” status. Also, men can also question their sexuality at any point and explore those questions. Don’t sweat which sex pumps blood to your bits. It doesn’t change who you are.

TRANS

If, when you look down there, you see something very much not a penis but feel as if you feel you should’ve been born with one, you are also in line for a Man Card. If you identify as a man, you young sir, are a (future) man. Also, if you think you should be in possession of your own vajayjay, you’re on your way to full bloodied womanhood. We don’t discriminate here.

VIRGIN

Have you not done the nasty? No knocked boots yet? Headboard free of notches? Cool. If you’re not ready for sex, it’s okay. If you’re not interested, it’s okay. Even if you’ve already got your Man Card, it’s okay. Your first time (and every one after) is a personal choice that only you (and your partner(s), duh) can make. Don’t feel bad if your penis has yet to dock (or, if you’re more of a taker than a giver, filled your cargo bay); sex should be an enjoyable event, not an expected one. Keep the V-Card or throw it away. It’s your choice to take off your pants, no one else’s. Which leads to…

SAY NO

If you’ve already played Hop on Pop, it doesn’t mean you’re required to take on all comers (pardon the pun). Being sexually active doesn’t give others the right to demand you get naked. No matter how many or few you’ve chosen to share your body with its still your body. You, as a boy, have as just as much right as any girl to say NO and have it respected. If you’re getting’ hot ‘n’ heavy but don’t want to go all the way, you can say so. If the other person persists, feel free to walk away. Or run. No judgment. They may spread rumors about you but that says more about them, not you. Ignore them. Be true to you.

STRAIGHT & CIS

I know this seems totes obvious but we’re all about inclusion here so I want to make sure that all the boys-who-like-girls (as well as boys-born-as-boys) know they’re good just as they are. Never let anyone make you feel bad for being part of the majority. I would ask something of you that I wouldn’t of others; use that privilege society bestows upon you to try and rid us of that ridiculousness. You are in a position to help those who certain not-nice people try to keep down. Help raise them up.

AND NOW FOR SOME USEFUL INFORMATON

LESS THAN AVERAGE (PACKAGE-WISE)

Between porn, Photoshopped Bieber dongs and premium networks (good grief, Starz, where’d you even find that!?) big penis is big business. With all the extra long slong shoved in our faces (eww) the average length pecker can appear to come up short. Relax. It doesn’t. At about five inches, the average pole is fully capable of doing the do. Boys can easily become anxious when they see their not a yard rock but don’t go worrying yourself into chastity over it. No one cares how far along the ruler your junk goes. Yes, there are girls and boys who claim to only get in bed for more than ten inches but do you really want to be with someone so shallow? Nope. Trust me. Been there, done that. Be proud of your penis and treat it well. It’s your longest-lasting sexual partner.

SELF LOVIN’

Despite what some more religious types claimed in the past (and some currently) jerking it won’t make you blind, hairy-palmed or dead. In fact, whacking it is good for you. Its science, y’all! Plus, it allows you a safe way to explore your sexual side – what you like, what makes you feel good, what you’d never ever do. How else would you discover your personal kinks? Also, the first step in learning to please someone else is learning to please you. Of course, if intimate time isn’t your thang, know that is totes cool, too.

PROTECTION IS NOT AN OPTION

Even if you’re both freshly unwrapped, always use condoms. Seriously. The things that can come from barebacking, like STDs and babies, are severe consequences. You don’t want any of that crap. You wanna get busy, you get your skinny butt to CVS and buy a three pack of Trojans. Also, if you ever hear someone all “regulars are too tight and I’m all outta Magnums” call ‘em on their bullocks. You can unroll a regular up to your elbow. They’re supposed to be snug. 

BE RESPECTFUL OF OTHERS’ CHOICES

I know you might be hiding uncomfortable boners around that major McHottie but if they’re not into it, don’t do anything forceful or manipulative or roofie-ish to get up in there. Remember, consent is key. If, at any time, either partner puts on the breaks, stop. You might be annoyed and all blue balled but that’s life. Excuse yourself to the bathroom for a quickie selfie.

ENJOY YOURSELF

No matter where you fall along the open realm that is sexuality, remember to have fun. But never at someone else’s expense. Others should also respect your boundaries and if they don’t, leave. And don’t mock someone who’s different from you; embrace them. You might discover something about yourself you never knew.