So the other day, I get a text message from someone I hadn’t heard from in months. As I sat there, looking at my phone, I tried to remember the last time I saw this person. Yea, it’s been that long. Than I wondered why it had been that long. And all I’ll say on that for the moment is yup, there’s a good reason to drop kick an ass to the curb.
Out of curiosity, I rummaged through my phone book and found a couple more numbers in there that really had no place inside either my phone or my life. Delete. Delete. Delete. Now, I didn’t have many numbers in there to begin with (I’d all ready done major number gutting when I got a new phone) so there weren’t too many that had to go but I was still surprised by the number of bye byes I made. After all, you’d think I’d have remembered these friend ejections were stored in digital form and needed to be removed.
But I guess I concentrated on important shit. You know, people worth giving two and a half shits about.
The next day, I took a peek at my friend list, wondering if there were any forgotten ejects still needing to be sent off on their own. And what do you know! Lots and lots of people dying to be deleted. My fingers had a party as I visited each profile one more time before clinking that beautiful unfriend button. Starting with Stalker, who is finally gone even from my phone (and all backups), one after another went away.
And I felt a weird sense of happy. At first I didn’t understand it; after all, it’s just a damn delete button. What’s so special about that? Ten years ago, when someone was evicted from your life, there wasn’t so much to go through to weed out any and all connections. And when you were done burning all the photos, you just moved away from that chapter.
Social media, though, leaves leftovers that float around the internet. Oh, well, there’s my answer. Unlike the old days, there are bits and pieces remaining out there, reminding you of what was whenever you stumble upon them. Even deleting someone does not guarantee you’ll never see his or her mug again. Anyone else find it less than fun when you see the option to friend or follow that scumbag you ran screaming from after seeing their true face?
Damn dirty Facebook!
And then there are the ones we don’t erase as completely as we like to claim. The people we know are bad for us and, quite frankly, don’t deserve even a moment’s thought. Why the fuck do we keep that small line of communication open, even when said communication is nonexistent?
Damn dirty hope.
Yea, I admit it. This cold-hearted bastard still hopes that certain individuals will do what they claim they will do. The waiting game. I go on with my life, doing my thing, chasing my dreams all the while leaving just a sliver of room for those people of the past to wiggle into when the time arrives.
Sucker for hard luck cases? Yes. But also determined; determined to stay by my word. Even when I really don’t want to.
Damn dirty emotions.
But like all leftovers, eventually they must be thrown out with the baby and the bathwater. When is that? At what point can it be assumed (safely) that the person you’re waiting for is just full of hot air and was only saying what was said as a way of stringing you along just in case there comes an issue they know you would bend over backward to help fix?
That time cam recently for a few people, hence the delete-athon. I am sure the people I finally gave up on were never worth my time to begin with, But there are others (a couple you may know from here) that I wonder if the time is right to cut away the last vestiges of whatever the relationship that brought us together in the first place.
Should I believe the apologies and promises of a being a better person and the swearing to make up for all the bullshit? I am so inclined; when someone meant something important to me once, I will give them a second (or another, rather ridiculous amount of) chance(s). But what if the chance is never taken? If the promises remain unfilled after so much time (say a month or two)? Should a word be taken?
I’d like to say no, but it isn’t always that simple. Bet you could think of a few reasonable reasons why communication drops to none in the third or so month of the so-called working through it all time. Still, the urge to delete any and all reminders looms large, pressing me for that act of (hopeful) finalization.
Fuck. Life just can’t be simple and (completely) emotion free. Say it with me now…
Damn dirty emotions.
Time is running out for those few unfriend survivors that probably deserve to delete button now. I don’t see any of them figuring it out. So yea, I’m almost one hundred percent sure that before the year end, so will my last remaining connections to them,
Of course, as much as I hate it sometime, I may extend the deadline. Not for all. But there are always those you who you want to see be the type of person they claim to want to be and even the heaviest of doubts will not change that.
Too bad that don’t guarantee all the sorries in the world will be accepted. But, hey, can’t make it easy for them. Oh, and as for that person who reached out after so long? Too little, too late. Let that be a lesson.