Did you ever wonder if you were man enough? Ever wonder if you were even considered worthy of being called a man? Have you rolled your eyes yet at the utter stupidity of the questions? If you did, great; you've already figured it out and are patiently waiting for everyone else to play catch up. But, if you didn't and suddenly wondered where you fall in the man-scale, let's me and you have a chat, hm?
Since Election Day’s numbing conclusion, I’ve been left feeling a host of unwanted emotions, and I’m not the only one. For those of us non-straight folk Trump’s promises and inner circle choices are various levels of unsettling. Ben Carson, Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich, Mike Pence and Ken Blackwell are not well known for being gay-friendly; in fact, some of them are quite the opposite. And we’re supposed to believe that The Donald has our backs?
It’s been a weird couple of days since I sat glued to the television and watched as Donald Trump inched closer to 270 electoral votes. I’ve known for a very long time that there was rampant bigotry in this country but I didn’t realize that there was enough to elect a terrible human being to the highest office of this land. And now, after the shock, numbness, rage have settled beneath the eerie quiet, I’ve come to realize that is wasn’t just hate that brought us here but an apathy for those who could suffer the most under republican control. And that apathy came from greed, or perhaps more accurately, selfishness.
I’m sure you’ve seen dozens of those Real Men are… or Real Men do… or Real Men like… posts all over social media; those pesky little memes that have the secret to being a Real Man guaranteed to make you not a boy? I hate those things, mostly because the idea of Real Man is stupid, sexist and dangerous.
Daniel Tepfer recently wrote about a teacher who did very bad things to a student in the name of her disgusting desires. When I saw his piece on CTPost.com, I was most bothered by the incredibly dangerous headline when it played down the seriousness of the crime by using “sex” instead of “abuse” or “rape” to describe it. Sadly, I want all that surprised as Mr. Tepfer isn’t the only person out there under the delusion that boys can, and are, raped and that just because the villain of the piece is a woman doesn’t mean that rape is any less wrong, painful or traumatizing. The victim was forced to perform these acts against his will yet based on various headlines about this and many other cases, it must be okay for a twelve year old boy to be used like a sex toy.
For those of you familiar with my BroTalk series, this one is gonna feel a bit different as I’m in a bit of a pissy mood and ready to place some well-deserved blame. Some might be offended and for that I’m not sorry. What follows is an honest breakdown of one of the major issues boys and men of the non-straight persuasion face even in a free country where everyone is constitutionally born equal.
So today is National Coming Out Day. And that’s a great thing to celebrate. All over the world, LGBT people are fighting for the right to simply exist so anytime someone is able to be themself, openly and honestly, that’s a party-worthy thing. But not everyone can do that, for a variety of reasons. So what options does an gay or bi boy have if he can’t even tell his best friend he’s not straight?
A few months back I wrote Sex & Sexuality: A Boy’s Primer and recently decided to explore the topics I mentioned in it a bit more. This is the first in a series about boys, men and a healthy sexuality. READER ADVISORY: what follows contains a frank discussion about masturbation.
Tim Tebow and Olivia Culpo are no longer a thing. Not that I realized they were cause I don’t give two cents about football and never heard of the former Miss USA. So, yeah, not really any effect on my life. Yet here I am, writing about the former couple that went spitsville ‘cause Olivia wants the D but Tim has a “no bada-bing without a wedding ring” policy. She wants to touch the untouched pecker and said “bye bye” when he wouldn’t play ball.
It can be confusing being a boy. With society’s long lasting love affair with the Alpha Male and his steely gaze, uberheterosexualism and women-bedding prowess (even when she doesn’t really want it but gives in after a constant barrage of all-powerful testosterone) it can sometimes seem as if only the big and strong types with zero emotional qualities (aside from lust and anger) and a libido to make 007 look like a virgin are a man.
I recently saw an Instagram post from actor Brendan Meyer (Jake Powell, Fear the Walking Dead: Flight 462) where he excitedly announced he’d finally seen A Streetcar Named Desire. In the comments, someone compared him favorably to Marlon Brando (the classic’s star) and his response to it (as well as what followed) got my brain cranking. I wondered, why’s he being all ‘aw shucks’ about this? He is a dang fine actor.
Every year, young men – boys, really – with their entire lives ahead of them filled with endless possibilities and unrealized potential, take their own lives. Just one is too many; sadly, the number is so much higher. Why? What happens that is so terrible that the only solution they see is the permanent one?