Tim Tebow and Olivia Culpo are no longer a thing. Not that I realized they were cause I don’t give two cents about football and never heard of the former Miss USA. So, yeah, not really any effect on my life. Yet here I am, writing about the former couple that went spitsville ‘cause Olivia wants the D but Tim has a “no bada-bing without a wedding ring” policy. She wants to touch the untouched pecker and said “bye bye” when he wouldn’t play ball.

Wow. What big news.

Not really.

ANOTHER BULLY ON THE INTERWEBS

A piece of crap hack at Wonkette, a formerly favorite site, thinks it is. So much so, he spent so many wasted words trashing the now-single footballer for daring to remain chaste.

And why did she kick him to the curb? Because he’s a loser who won’t stick it in, and guys like that are creepy

Seriously? He’s creepy because he doesn’t slip it in at every bloody opportunity? Sorry if his morals conflict with yours but since his choice here has zero consequence on your rather pathetic life, just shut the hell up. Okay?

Virgin shaming is so high school and even then it’s a pathetic bullying tactic. Sex doesn’t make one more manly; a man can be no more or less a man no matter what he does or does not do. ‘cause biology.

The only thing that not having sex with the beauty queen means is some dude didn’t have sex with a beauty queen. Not much else to it. Unless, like this dick, you think virginity is some horrible, unnatural thing. Then fine, whatever. Be a dick. Just like that Wonker hack.

Oh, and also you’re probably a big gay homosexual if you are that good at saving it for marriage, we are just saying.

If all else fails, call him a homo. Cause only by being gay can a boy succeed in not sexing all the ladies. Cause straight boys just can’t control their raging erections and must put it in the first lady they see.

​Wait, did this tool just defend rape?

Is he promoting rape culture? Maybe he didn’t realize what he said as he rambled on about the perceived perversity of a guy not giving into temptation. Or maybe he’s just a dick who feels better about his lousy self when he puts others down.

Really, it could go either way.

STAY TRUE TO YOU

If, like Timmy, you chose to hold off on cashing in that V-Card, don’t let anyone convince you you’re wrong. It’s your body, your penis; don’t put it anywhere you don’t want it. Whether you’re waiting till you’re older or married or just the right one, where and when and how and to whom you lose it is up to you and no one else.

Yes, there will be those who tease or mock or bully you because of the personal choice that is nobody’s business but your own but don’t let their issues with your penis lead you to something you may very well regret.

There’s nothing wrong with waiting and there’s nothing wrong with you for doing so. Be proud of yourself for sticking to what matters to you. It’s no easy thing to not give in to the urges or pressure to just get it over with but you’re doing it.

Go you!

STOP VIRGIN SHAMING

It’s kind of funny how when a girl makes a vow wait until marriage, she’s held up as a paragon of virtue and hailed a perfect role model. Remember how Jessica Simpson waited till after the wedding bells to give into the sweetest sin? Nobody trashed her. Yet when a boy does the same, it’s all ha ha faggot! and he’s made to feel (or at least it’s the intent) like less than. But that’s balls, bollocks and utterly insane.

The number of sexual partners has nothing to do with your level of manliness. In fact, “levels of manliness” don’t exist. You either are or are not a man; it’s a matter of age. A boy having zero bed-guests hurts nobody so why is so much effort put into hurting him?

Can we not do this anymore? It’s tough enough being a boy without all the shame created when that boy’s privates are a no-fly zone. Don’t be cruel; don’t make someone feel bad or weird or strange for not wanting sex. It’s a personal choice. Don’t rush it.

And don’t you dare try making him regret not having the sexy time. And if you just can’t stop being an uber-dick, try looking inward and figure out why you feel the compulsion.

Will is an author and artist and producer (it’s only one indie short film but it’s on IMDB.com so it totes counts!) and founder of fetchentertainment.com and pain in the ass. He rather opinionated and has no problem sharing his thoughts on a variety of topics from the freakshow that was Election 2016 (how tf did Trump freaking win!?) to the importance of matching that belt to those shoes. He adores penguins and has a maniacal plan to use an army of them to take over the world and crown himself Emperor of All That Is (though he’d be happy with the Winter Russian Palace in what he would rename Mine!-Mine!-Mine!) but until then enjoys hiding away in his apartment and writing all sorts of tales that would worry that cokehead Sigmund Freud (really, we should believe he snorted for science!?) and drawing pictures of his creations.

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