Okay, so this week we’ll do things a bit differently. There won’t be any stories in this column. You won’t see Duck, Goose or Scout in the following paragraphs. And I might piss some of you off. If I do… here’s some magical Popsicle sticks. Now, go away, build a bridge and get the fuck over it because I don’t care. I can only take so much stupidity and I find myself well over the tolerable limit.
Now, I don’t normally respond publicly when some air-headed celebrity decides it’s a good idea to shove their well-manicured foot into their over-bleached mouths. But recently a certain Canadian-exported (thank you for him by the way, dear Second Happiest Place on Earth) mopped-topped pop tart said unbelievably stupid things. Exception time.
Rolling Stone, having decided that they did not in fact hit rock-bottom when they interviewed Zac Efron a few years back, chose to dedicate their most recent cover to Justin Bieber. Up until now, I had nothing against the half-sized teeny-bopper; in fact, I didn’t care one way or the other which way his career went. Then he said that homosexuality is a choice, abortion is wrong and that rape happens for a reason.
Yea, I re-read that part quite a few times. Once the shock of it wore off, I decided that dumbasses aren’t the only ones with the right to flap their lips to the world. So let’s break this shit down, eh?
First point: homosexuality is a choice. This is only ever claimed by homophobes. And we all know a a homophobe is really a homosexual who really, really wants to be straight. The little red engine says I think I can, I think I can. It’s an interesting theory that has no basis in reality. So sorry to say, all those hopeful wanna-be straight gays will never have that lady spouse, two point five brats and picket fence they’ve been dreaming of on account of the gays never, ever getting more than a dirty reputation and HIV scare.
And yes, that last part was sarcasm. Forget I’m allergic to political correctness? Move on.
Second point: abortion is wrong. This one has me biting my tongue bloody. I’m pro-choice. Part of that is respecting and accepting another’s point of view on the hot-button topic as long as their opinion doesn't get Roe v. Wade overturned.
Personally, I would prefer people just keep their thoughts on abortion to themselves. Leave the signs at home. Stay away from the clinics. It is very hard to go through with the procedure. Having people standing outside with bloody baby dolls and threats from the boogie-god make the entire process that much harder to recover from.
And while we’re on the subject, can someone explain why the extremist pro-lifers kill to prove that abortion is murder? I don’t get it either.
Third point: rape happens for a reason. Benefit of the doubt: the reason has nothing to do with where one is or what one is wearing. I hope we are past the point of claiming anyone deserves to be raped, except a rapist. They should definitely be punished the same way they harmed a person (preferably with a spiked codpiece or a pear of anguish). Continuing… This little gem came up when the little Justin was asked if abortion was wrong in cases of rape. He stuttered like an idiot before coming out with everything happens for a reason.
Maybe you’re wondering what my problem is with the last little gem. Why be annoyed with someone saying what rape survivors sometimes say? Simply put, it's not his (or anyone’s) place to say whether or not something as severe as rape is written in the stars or a surprise plot twist. Only a percentage of people who have experienced the horror of being sexually assaulted decide there was a reason. Others see it only ever as a random act of violence. From this conclusion, a shattered life is rebuilt. But when someone with a public forum states that one is more correct than the other, it can harm a person’s recovery if that person happens to admire whomever is speaking on the subject.
Moral of our story? Shut the fuck up.
Choosing between meant to be and random act is something that only one person in the situation can do. Everyone else needs to just listen. Hold a hand. Remind the person talking that they’re still loved and wanted and needed. Yes, listening to the details is hard. Talking about what happened is harder. Suffering through it is the hardest thing a person can do. And allow the survivor to conclude if there was a reason and support what they decide. And don’t argue with them if at any point (even multiple times during a single conversation) they change their opinion.
Things would be so much better if celebrities would keep their opinions to themselves. Honestly, no one cares. And sometimes, there are things said by the rich and famous that, really, need to be wrapped up and shoved back down their throats. And maybe I’m guilty of the same thing I accuse them of doing. Well, tsk, tsk on me (not really – more sarcasm there).
I hope someone stands up and says something to him and other famous faces who flap their lips faster than their brains can register the words that come spewing out. This is not the first unintelligent thing ever said and, thanks to the likes of Charlie Sheen, the last thing either. Tigerblood? What the fuck? Anyways… I don’t think we need more proof proving how badly some people need filters. And I’m thinking I.Q. replacements. But honestly, even with all the stupidity that comes from La La Land, it would be at least tolerable if thoughts and opinions on important issues were kept personal. Like about abortion, war and whether or not reasons exist for the evils people suffer. Not all celebrities are idiotic jackasses. There are those that, when they speak, sense is made. But for the ones that spit out stupid, just stick to entertaining the masses and leave the thinking to people capable of thinking.