Want me. Need me. Love me.
Major rule for any relationship, be it friend or lover. And if you think about it, every relationship is comprised of these three simple ideas. We all have the urge to be wanted, needed and loved; it's called being human. Honest humans can admit it. The ones that can't... well, we know how happy they end up
Keep that there in mind, m'kay?
Lately, certain people (some with good, honest and understandable reasons) have been speaking out on my behalf. I'm not angry with them (well, not the aforementioned good ones). I do, though, feel the need to speak out on my own. There are things that certain other people (let's call them formers) deserve to be told by only me. Just without me actually saying these things. Good thing I'm a writer, eh?
Now, I am not the most forgiving person; I am really good at holding a grudge. While I will forgive a friend (the inner-circle variety) over and over and over, there eventually comes that point where enough is more than enough. Being taken advantage too many times, seeing lies where they have no business, having a knife shoved where I can't reach to remove it or breaking the biggest of promises are the ways to go about losing me as a friend. And even those can take some time to have the “desired” effect. Once and a while, someone pulls off one or more of these nasty feats and BAM! I break. And when I break, I break. There is no going back when the shit that constantly falls becomes to high to see over. Don't matter how buddy-buddy I was with the perpetrator, once you shatter that trust with a betrayal, I wouldn't believe you were on fire even if I dunked your ass is lighter fluid.
Even still, some people try to wiggle their way back into my life. And it always begins the same way... a quick message (typically a la texting) just to see what's up. Seriously? What's up? That's the line that's suppose to make me not, not want to talk to you? Well, if that's your route (and its amazing how many formers choose it) fine and dandy. Just don't be shocked when a response never comes. Cause if that's the effort you're gonna put into fixing things (assuming fixing is the goal) than you don't know me half as well as you like to think.
Now, I'm not completely heartless; it is there, its just diamond-hard and ice-cold, at least when it comes to formers and my favorite arch-nemesis. But for those that mean something good and happy and mushy to me, it pushes more than ice through these veins. See, it can be thawed. Just not for everyone. Is it possible for certain formers to chip away at the ice box? Yes. Could you find your way back into my good graces? Take a chance and find out. And use common sense.
So... how does one who turned out to be an anti-friend? That typical first way is a start; if I don't respond, take it as I am open to listening. Not talking, mind you. But I will hear you out. Good sign, no? Not exactly kiss and make up, but we all need to start somewhere.
Note: if your message is no more than it read (i.e. what's up?) than don't waste your time. While I won't automatically hit delete when I see it, it's only because I assume (a dangerous pastime, I know) that it is a first step. Call it benefit of the doubt. If you're going to send even such a small communication, I'll take it as an olive branch. And than continue on with the wondrous event that is my life. If all you want to do is take ask for curiosity's sake, start here and read through the Black Book Column. You'll learn everything you need to know. Then just go away.
And what should you do? Don't think I didn't read it and consider it. While I did not talk to you, I also did not yell at you. Yea, it's one of those no news is good news moments. Woah, I had nothing to say. Remember the rule silence is golden? This is the perfect example.
Wondering why there's silence staring back at you? Would you rather I base my response on the last thing you did? That moment when I decided bye bye was the way to go? Thought not.
So what next? Well, seeing how we aren't all best friend-like anymore, there are aspects of that relationship that no longer apply to you. Like trust. That needs to be fixed if there will be any more than just that second first hello. Tricky part coming. How does something as important as trust get un-shattered? While it is normally my way to make the trust-breaking party figure this out on their very own, I've decided to do an un-me like thing and let you in on a little secret: trust me. Seems easy, don't it? One of those anyone could think this shit up on their own kind of easy.
Working on that? Good. It'll take a while, but if you do it right and are sincere, it might just happens. Might? Hey, there are no guarantees when it comes to undoing bad things. Live, learn...
What now though? I'm telling you blackmail-worthy secrets, confiding in you my most inner-most thoughts and still you're not even waving in my general direction. Why? Well... while you showing me you trust me (and, in contrast, slowly gaining mine back – best case scenario-), there is more to making things good than secret swapping. Like support. And if you and I said good bye due to a lack of support, than you need to show me you know how to do that. And really, it ain't that hard. I'm writer, after all; I have a fan page and a twitter account. Duh. Risky? Maybe. After all, I could up and block your ass. But remember that whole take a chance thingy? Plus, if I didn't rip your sphincter out through your belly button for sending that first message, you'll be safe. Especially if that last conversation included come find me when you wanna fix this.
If you've made it this far and I have yet to slap you with a retraining order, than there is only one thing left to do: talk. Face. To. Face. I'll listen; I would always listen, same as I would always be there. Promises, promises. I don't break them. And if you've read this far, and you're one of the formers, than you should know that.
Ignore what others say; I don't allow people to speak for me. I can say what I'm thinking all on my own, thank you very much. No one but me, myself and I will ever make my personal thoughts known. Everything else is conjecture.
If what you're after is going back to that best friend, close confidant part of a relationship, than it begins (anew) with you. I don't allow someone back in, not without some kind of proof that the same old bullshit won't be making a comeback. And I need to believe that want me, need me, love me is something that a former is trying to do. But its up to you, the one wondering what if... and how can this work. Take that chance; you won't regret it.
I can't – won't – go back. But sometimes, if you're worth it (and if I did my job right when we were close, you'd know whether or not you are) I will start again. So why not see what will happen next?