Arch-nemesis. Believe me when I say they make life more incredibly interesting than any other single entity you could ever hope to meet. If you ask me, everybody needs at least one of these lunatic fucks in their life if just to have something to tell those later generations. Yet there came a day when my super-villain meant absolutely zip to me in the grande scheme of everything.
Ah, Hellcunt; even all these years later the though of what that evil little piece of shit pulled still brings that eternal fire back to my belly. Lord of Darkness do I hate this humanity reject with a passion that could out-blaze Sol. Or at least I did. Yes, I moved on from plotting the demise of the wacktard who tried to tear me and my besties apart (even succeeding with ruining one relationship), tried to sully my good(-ish) name and even attempted to take me out not one, not two but three times.
Why in all that I hold sacred would I let a psychopath slither out of my cross-hairs? What possessed me to decide y'know, I just don't care any more? Damned if I know. One minute I'm using the sweetly disturbing memories to push me to tackle my dreams (hate is a great motivator) and the next thing I know, the name for which I called my shit lost had faded from thought. I wasn't any happier, no great weight was lifted from my shoulders and no extra hours were added to my day. There was just a hole that at first I didn't realize was there.
What the fuck?
When I say we hated each other there is no exaggeration. For the longest time, there seemed a very good chance it would all end bloody. But than a day, just like any other, rolled around and poof it was over. And after hating someone so long it becomes a subconscious part of you that graphs itself to your DNA, not noticing its passing is weird and kind of off-putting. I mean, where does it all go? What super-secret Ninja Black Hole snuck up behind me and pulled out all that happy happy joy joy feeling?
And why don't I miss it?
I've always had a commercial sized storage shed where my heart should be with plenty of space for the grudges I carry. My disdain for 'friend' and Scout, though relatively new, would not have pushed the ire I felt for HellCunt out. I was not only content with all the hate running through my veins (what can I say? I'm the one who scares the ever-hating evil out of Lucy) I was damn proud to be able to sayfuck you and not have even the slightest hint of regret anywhere in my being.
But away it went. And by the time I saw it was gone and that there was this empty spot where happy homicidal thoughts once grew I had moved on without seeing the past rush by me.
Ah shit, I might be losing it. Not completely, mind you. I still hate a healthy number of sub-humans but to let go of the one who made hate worthy living... I just don't know what to make of it. I've never had am unfinished grudge just fade away with a whimper; there's supposed to be screaming and cursing and possibly even pointy objects involved. The situation should feel wrong and unnatural and I should be dreaming of ways to exact my sweet revenge.
But I'm not. And I don't give a shit. Over a decade this fire burned and now not even embers remain.
Maybe , just maybe, its because my feelings for the root of this mess no longer holds meaning for me. There's always a beginning and for me, it was HellCunt destroying Troll piece by piece and I was powerless to stop it. But Troll (as you can probably guess by the nickname) is no longer someone I care for and have not for a long time.
No more I hate her; strangely, part of me pities the waste of flesh. Strange, no? Having sad little emotions toward the person who you despised above all others, no? But that's the funny of life. Sometimes, though you may not mean to, you let go of ugliness and sail along with your life as though noting has changed.
But damn, do I miss those evil-laced powwows with my inner sociopath. They were some good times.