Have you ever searched high and low for the ideal person to share your self with? You look past the people all ready in your life at the one person not there hoping to see perfection somewhere off in the distance and become lost in the dream. And while you are longing for the unseen, the person holding you up and, unknown to you, is exactly what you want and, more importantly, need fades into the background until only the echo of who and what they were remains. By then, and that is always the moment we realize what we ignored, it is too late and now we are missing more than what never was.
We lose what could have been. Why is that? How can we be so blind to what is standing right there, sometimes even holding us up so we can see past the horizon? Are we so self absorbed that we take for granted the pillars in our lives? Those people who make the day to day in this hell of a world manageable and, if we are really lucky, more? When do we get so bad that we no longer see the good around us? The perfection we crave is less than a step away.
And we stare right through them. And then they are gone and we never saw them walk away. We were too busy making room inside for someone not interested in moving in and lost who was all ready jockeying for the role of a lifetime. Proof that people are just plain stupid and deserve no pity whatsoever.
No, I have not lost someone to my own wishing on a star for someone new to come along. At least, not that I am aware of. After all, not seeing the important ones go bye bye is a human condition and I am, as far as I can tell, human. Even got those horrid little emotions to go along with the fleshy outside and shriveled blackened heart pumping the shiny red stuff through the veins. No, this comes from a long conversation with many people. And for quite a few of them, they did not even realize this was the talk we were having.
When you look at the person sharing your bed till death (or divorce) do you part, do you see whom they really are? Do you see what it is they truly do for you? Or are you looking through them, searching for what you believe is missing that would make everything the way you always dreamed of?
Look quick. They slipping away? Thought so.
Seeing someone special-ish? You know the kind… A good roll in the hay but there is nothing there beyond the mind-blowing orgasm without the hassle of a commitment getting in the way. And even though your getting your naughty bits pleasured, you are looking beyond; you want the complications yet you never once consider that the person loving pleasuring you might actually be open to loving you in ways not biblical.
That booty call show up last night? Oops. Your bad.
That good friend, always there, always putting you first. Never is there a problem they will not give their all to fix. How fucking lucky must you be to meet someone who cares so much for another person. Of course, that’s not your “real” friend and all you want is to rewind time and re-join that group who live to put you down so hard you forget you are allowed to be you.
They answer that last call? Captain Retardo strikes again.
What is it like living in your own head that is shoved right up your own ass? I would imagine dark, kind of smelly and I would bet dollars to dildos rather lonely. And no one likes loneliness. And yet so many of us do the dumbest shit to guarantee that lonely happens.
All because we cannot open our damn eyes. Stop looking ahead and see what is right there. And when (if) you can do that, show that you give a rat’s ass. Otherwise, all the pouty, pathetic, teary-eyed (though that last one can help) apologies will not mean shit. And there you are, crying into your Fruit Loops.
Of course, there comes that point when you realize there is something not quite kosher. You finally see what an asshole or bitch or dick or cunt you really are and make the decision (and not, it does not deserve a medal) to be a better friend/lover/fuck buddy. But, uh oh, by then it is all ready long past too little, too late. Having that itching back of the head thought that this is somehow about you? No, you are not vain. You are just waking up. So run with it. Go. Now. And hope you haven not completely fucked up the good things in your life. Otherwise, get ready to say some pretty sad good byes.
How can we keep the unhappy from happening? Well, if you cannot figure that out, enjoy the solitary life that you will be living, buddy.
“Never ignore a person who loves you, cares for you, and misses you. Because one day, you might wake up from your sleep and realize that you lost the moon while counting the stars.”
- Unknown Author