Over four months now with nothing more than a text message saying we would talk soon. Oh, and that came the beginning of April. Looking good for Scout and I, wouldn't you say?
Now, I have been incredibly patient concerning this less than ideal situation, but quite honestly, there is only so much this whore can tolerate before he starts wondering what the fuck is going on? While once, only a few short weeks ago, I was willing to wait this shit out so Scout and I could resume our relationship, now I am thinking... fuck it.
Did I mention I was ignored tonight? Yea, that's right; Scout was online and still I received no response. Hello, am I not somewhere within the visible spectrum? Am I one to be ignored after all those wondrous orgasms I gave? I am sorry, but since when was a simple hi and hello too damn much to give to your boyfriend? Last I checked, we were still in a committed relationship; otherwise, I would have been fucking my brains out on a near-nightly basis. After all, if not for this strange space called dating, I would not have been turning down the numerous sexual advances I have received since Scout went to his elsewhere.
Feeling more than a little... pissed the fuck off right about now. Oh, I so cannot wait for that "talk" we are due to have (assuming we ever get to have it; doubting it at this point) so I can say (and get certain nagging questions answered) what it is I am (almost, at this point) sure I am going to say.
As Mariah Carey once sang... If its over, just let me know.
Its not the time apart, its the feeling of being completely ignored when I know that communication is possible. Do not just blow me off; I deserve far fucking more than that.And while I am open to a reason (not an excuse) as to why I have been treated like the psychotic ex you avoid with all the protection the local police department can provide, I seriously doubt I will be getting one.
It definitely feels as though the end is just around the river bend and I will be the last to know. I do not much appreciate that; in fact, it is a major source of all the pent up anger flowing through my system. Seriously, open the mouth and make the noises we call words. Write it down. Give me back my shit. Or say Baby I'm an ass. So Sorry. Let's fuck.
But no, I get nothing. Yea, me.
Now, the real question... Do I really want to end whatever this once upon a time relationship has devolved into? Would I rather be free to flash my shit around town like a goddamned porn star? Am I missing the attention that being an moral free whore allows? Or do I prefer the company of Scout and the normalcy (term used very loosely) that sliding my boots under only one person's bed entails?
I think I know; just not entirely sure here, folks. I mean, I can see the two options perfectly clear and know where each road will lead to. So why can I not decide which one I want to take and have no reservations what so ever?
I really do not want to end things; I want there to be a reason for the shit that is pissing me off and have a way to get all of this back to where we left it and not floating somewhere in the ether. I would like very much to have Scout back here and be mine in more than just title. Of course, if that is a bit too far out of reach, then yes... I want it over, nice and clean-like.
Too much to ask? I do not think so. So when the hell will we be seeing what happens next? Final act or just a new chapter? I considered letting time take care of all the details, but I am not sure I can wait however long that may be. I really want an answer now. Like tonight.
Of course, I could just be over analyzing this entire situation; I have been guilty of that on more than a few occasions. I admit, I do have the nasty habit of swinging from one extreme emotional response to the other, very opposite side. So perhaps, I should stick with the whole patience idea and hold off on my final verdict until that "talk" finally gets around to happening. After all, why jump ship when we do not even know if this Titanic is sinking?