​So, how exactly does the gender of the person I bring to my bed on any given night affect you and yours? How does the fact that one night my chosen partner may have a vagina while the next evening my new bed-friend might be the proud owner of a penis? And how, if I ever find myself at the perfect point of bat shit crazy, does me choosing to marry one instead of the other bring pain to your home?

Can I be frank for a moment? I personally don’t believe in marriage. Period. Not saying people should not be wed; feel free to take that trip down the aisle. I mean for me, hence the word personally a few sentences back, a wedding day is not on my bucket list (though divorce is). I might at some point meet someone who I want to spend forever with, but as of now, I don’t see that happening.

But there are lots and lots of people bucking for that I do and (insert deity or whatever you’d say if you’re an atheist) willing they’ll get that magical day when they can bind themselves to one person till death. That is if you’re straight. You can marry your cousin in more states than you can your homo lover. Really? Now, I’m not going to go on a tangent about incest and whatnot; honestly, if you find the girl of your dreams at a family reunion, its none of my concern. What I’m saying here is that it’s royally fucked up that you can be family twice over but not gay and bound together.

Is there anything logical in that idea? Right about here I’ll point out that gay marriage will lead to cousin boinking cousin is an argument against two chicks tying the knot. Oops. Guess that boat sailed long ago, eh? Funny how things that will kill an argument can be so easily ignored.

God (who goes by many names) is another “source” for reasons against. Marriage is between a man and a woman, or so that saying goes. It’s Biblical! Okay, sure, I’ll bite. As soon as you show me wives two through seven, your concubines and that slave you’re humpty-dumpting. And rapists, make sure you marry your victims (and victims, you have zero say in this; so says the Bible). Very important to keep Biblical as close to true as possible. Oh, and don’t you dare marry someone of a different anything; That’s just so not right.

Let’s start with polygamy, shall we? You really want a baker’s dozen? Go for it. I think you’re a little wacky, to be honest; one is way more than enough if you ask me. But it’s your choice. And yes, for the record, I see no reason why the practice should be outlawed. If everyone in the marriage wants that then have at it. 

Concubines? You mean divinely-ordained mistresses? Boo-yah! Again, crazy to me (though a better option than one naked dance partner for life) but not my place to stop you, is it?

Slaves. Well, here I need to draw the line. Slavery is wrong on many levels. Unless it’s a sex slave (which that’s kind of how they seem in the Bible though I know slavery went beyond the bedroom so don’t waste your time “educating” me – I’m trying to make a point here) where, again, all parties agree. Enjoy.

Rapist and rapee. If you can find a survivor willing to marry their attacker… I’d be concerned but again, it’s not my place to stop it. Though I would strongly caution against it, especially if that rapist was named Luke and that survivor was named Laura. That was just fucking… ick.

These types of marriages don’t occur, do they? Funny; if marriage should be based on the Bible, I’d say we’re doing it wrong. So again, I ask: why can’t gay folk be married folk?

It’ll lead to people marrying children, dogs and gerbils and street cones and the Eiffel Tower! Really? Animals and inanimate objects cannot say I do. Nor can they mime, sign or telepathically say yes. And as for minors, there are laws against that for a reason. And even if there weren’t, how many states allow a minor to enter into a contract? So your argument is invalid. And I hate to break it to y’all, but Eiffel is taken. And that is before gays and marriage are allowed in the same sentence in every united state.

It destroys the sanctity of marriage! Really? So the happy homo couple living down the street is the reason divorce rates hover around fifty percent? Silly me, I was blaming infidelity and abuse on that. You got me there. Also, being on your fifth marriage means you done fucked up four previous ones. You, sir, are no expert. Except on divorce, maybe.

Oh, wait, no you don’t. Now stop being a bint and give me a real reason. Tell me why two men can’t marry and why two women can’t adopt and why this country is being taken over by a single group of people who feel the need to outlaw things they feel are icky. Explain to me why it’s okay to strip people of equality and treat them like second-class citizens and force your beliefs upon a nation that is supposed to be ruled by truth, justice and a pursuit of freedom.

Go ahead and tell me how legalizing gays getting married harms you in any way. I double dog dare you. And please, keep god in every form out of the argument. Whatever deity (if there be one) is out there has not spoken through a burning bush in a long ass time. We mere mortals are no one to speak on an eternal creator’s behalf. Be honest when you come at me (and I do so hope some take up this challenge) and have the courage to own your convictions.

See, I am try-sexual (technically bisexual for those keeping track). I enjoy sex in many colorful forms, be it boy, girl, a combination platter or whatever else happens to catch my fancy. And for as long as I’ve been a proud titanium card carrying whore, I’ve never run into a situation where my choice of partner affected anyone else’s relationship (cause I know how not to get caught).  All you anti-homos out there, on the other hand, feel the need to butt into everyone else’s’ sexualities and try to dictate at a legal level what’s right and what’s wrong.

So please, come at me with your arguments. I want to hear them; I even want to try to understand them. I want to understand what drives a person to decide that something different is so wrong. I want to know how a person can hate simply because there’s a meaningless difference. 

C’mon, make me see things through your eyes.