I prefer to keep most people at a comfortable ten foot arm's length, unless of course, I never intend to learn their name. Seems kind of ass backwards, don't it? But given my history, or at least what y'all know of it, would you really expect anything different? Hell knows I don't.
Shit. Something's changing.
Since you-know-who turned from best friend to complete asshole, I've been on a rather interesting emotional roller coaster ride. From (my version) of a relationship with Scout (druggie ex-con cunt) to a hot, nasty fuckfest with Stalker (fuckin' loony toon there, folks) to the simpkcity of rolling around naked with FWB (why can't all relationships be so simple and unclean?), I've had a year full of varying interactions. Some good, most bad, all memorable. Each one based on sex and some sort of emotional attachment. Each one with varying degrees of trust.
Me? Trust sex? But I did, and for one lucky bed-fellow, still do. Care to guess who?
And believing what people say had extended beyond the bedroom to include others newbies in my life (most of whom I wouldn't fuck with my worst enemies dick) who, when I say newbies, are just that. Still got that new car smell.
At first, I didn't want to. Trusting the untested seemed like a risk not worth the making. Then, like that old creeper who keeps trying to grab your ass at the supermarket, RAPE! RAP- I mean, TRUST. Damn thing snuck up on me.
Least I'm not trusting the proven bad choices. Damned if I'll make that mistake again. FYI - I'm sure I will. Sucker for stupid animals. So sad and pathetic...
Like I was rambling...
I didn't want to let anyone into my little Circle of ME. I liked it being my own private place to play all by my lonesome. But the cold storage shed that takes up most of my chest cavity fought back (you heartless bitch) and I fell into a semi-safe pseudo-happy medium-ish place where trust survives on oxygen machines.
The upside to being finished with bullshit. Why keep shoveling it away when it keeps getting dropped in your yard? It took a long ass while, but I'm finally beginning to separate the trustees and the trust-hell-nos-ees. I'm still working out the kinks (but keeping the kinkys) and I know it'll be a while before my douchebag-detection talent if fully operational again, but while I wait, I figure what the fuck. Let's have some fun taking a few chances. And worst case, it'll make a hell of a column.