It's Valentine’s Day. And while I’m not sure what I’ll be doing tonight, I know it won’t be Scout. No, we didn’t have a fight or break up or anything as simple and clean as that. We just won’t be seeing each other. For about three months. And by not seeing I mean not touch, talk or see. No phone. No Facebook. Not even Skype.
And it couldn’t be worse timing. I mean, today is February 14th. Kinda important in the ME plus ME equals WE world. And the 22nd happens to be the best, and most important, day of the year – my birthday. I was looking forward to being with (i.e. naughtiness) someone whose first and last name I knew. That won’t be happening now. I won’t even being taking part in the traditional anonymous sexual encounters.
All because one person is not here right now. One person. Hell. This relationship stuff is hard enough without half of the WE elsewhere.
The other night, a rather shit-faced Goose asked me what I was going to do. The answer is easy: wait. She didn’t understand that, mostly because that’s not a ME thing to do. And it's not. I don’t believe in waiting for someone. And I’m not. Full disclosure: its not Scout I’m waiting on. Its me. Or rather, my decision.
See, I’ve slowly grown accustomed to one sexual partner. Monogamy. The whole faithful thing. But now, its chastity. Yea, I don’t know about that one.
So I wait. And decide if an affair is the answer.
I don’t want to cheat. I don’t want to break-up. I’m not planning on either. But I still have that decision I need to make. I know, I’m confusing. Here I am, not wanting to cheat while still considering having an affair to forget.
Okay, let me explain.
See, I could just run out and bed the first twenty people I see. I’d have a lot of naked fun and be smiling and happy and not-so-horny. But I’d be being unfaithful. Not really what I want. I could fill my time with friends, writing, art, shopping and workouts as well as any other time-filler I can find (and there are numerous). But I’d still be extra horny without a proper relief. But, if I switch on the manipulative and logical parts of my brain, I can wait. And think. And decide.
Maybe its cheating (but not the naughty kind) but it keeps me safely occupied. Understanding yet? See, before I cheat or don’t cheat, I need to decide if an affair is the right answer. To do that, I need to weigh the pros and cons. Its not a simple as jotting down a few words and picking the longer list. Not when logic and manipulation is involved. With those tools, neither column can be filled because no reasoning will survive both attacks. So… no decision can be made. Hence, no affair.
Hey, if it keeps me faithful…
Of course, there’s still the ruination of Valentine’s Day and the major kinks thrown into my birthday celebration. Crap.
I was planning a wonderful homemade meal and sinfully delicious dessert. Me, Scout and couple-bound friends. Then, once everyone went home…
Yea. No. Not gonna happen now.
My birthday? I was thinking Olive Garden with Scout and friends. Followed by birthday sex. Just Scout was invited for that portion.
Nope. Not that either.
I’ll still have plans. Just not the ones I was wanting. But making the best out of a fucked up situation is all I can do, yes?
Keep busy. Keep busy. Keep busy. Fuck. Ran out of shit to do.
Yea. I’m annoyed (the pissed off wore off) and horny. All because Scout is in another state (not by choice – one of those have to be done things) and unreachable. Valentine’s Day is sexless (while that may be true for singles, it never was for me) when it should be the most sex-ful day of the winter. My birthday… I’d rather not go into that; I’ve never been not naked danced on my damn birthday. The whore is being chaste and manipulating himself into staying that way.
Anyone seen the Antichrist? I’m pretty sure his scene is up next.
The next ninety-or-so days will be… oi. With just a touch of fuck my life. But for some weird ass reason, I’m willing to deal with it. Goddamn these touchy-feely… feelings. They make all sorts of complications.
Time to keep busy, eh? So here comes the all-about-keeping-from-being-idle time. I think I’ll write another book; The Three is screaming for a sequel. So are my (I like to pretend rabid) fans. Its plotted out already. Why not actually write it. There’s contests to enter (speaking of which, winners for the screen-writing contest I entered are announced tomorrow) and agents to try to convince to represent me.
With free time also comes more time for working out; bring it on Charlene Johnson! Let’s see how perfect I can get my body before Scout touches it again. Yea, another challenge to keep me occupied. And a workout to kick my ass into shape.
Anything to keep from remembering that I miss Scout. And I cannot wait for the grand return to ME plus ME equally WE in person.person. We've got a good thing growing between us and I’d really like to see how far it can go. And just because we now have this three months speed bump, I would prefer to think of it as a time to grow as individuals in a way that will bring us together closer as a couple.
Whoa. Idealism. Trippy shit, there. Yup, master manipulation at work right now, folks. But considering who and what I am, its the best way for me to deal. That and knowing that when all is said and done and Scout and I are tangled together on top of the sheets, it will be as it was. And I want that.
I want Scout.